I will have to sign off early this year as I will be in a warmer climate between December 20 and January 10. So, to the 5 online friends I managed to make in the past 11 years of AOL crusades, a Merry Christmas and a very Happy and Prosperous New Year.
I hope that in the spirit of my sheer happiness good vibes go out to the - literally - handful of dear friends, and to the staff of CEB on both sides of the Atlantic. Special thanks to the Northeast correspondent and Deputy Editor.
And then there are these few despicable individuals in Anglochat to whom I would like to pay a special tribute. One Christmas a year cannot gloss over the viciousness and vile nature all year long of these scumbags, and there is no reason to allow the universally cherished Christmas be soiled with signs of feigned forgiveness now. Quite the contrary, I make a special effort to name & shame these fucks and cunts, and describe the fate I wish for them.
There is the terminated AOL screen name HeressChristie, whose demise should be to break through the ice of Lake Michigan and screaming for help in vain, while her son sits at the shore snorting and holding his head, lamenting over a splitting headache. The screen name CarrCarter should be accosted by a gang of Alabama hobos, thrown to the ground and injected with a lethal dose of Mississippi water. The screen name Sugapeefannypunch ought to be suffocated with ruffled goose feathers. LameDucks ought to be hit by a pick-up truck before flung back onto the asphalt and be run over by a moped driven by Kpiper78. LameDucks' only notable act of valor in life ironically takes place in the hour of his doom: making Kpiper lose control over his moped, crashing and cracking his head open on impact. Felled by a duck, such a heroic finale to a fuck who had claimed membership of a Hell's Angels murder clique chapter while 'alive'. Lovemyroo will be hit over the head with a bible which had a brick embedded between the hard covers. Take that, bitch, when you face your lord, god bless...
Talking of which ("Bless and bitch"), Loveinamist30 will be pushed into a wine cellar where the late harvest is fermenting. The gas of the fermenting wine will quickly overcome the trash lady, and be pronounced dead 15 minutes later. Tampon fonts Brandi620 and Broodway1972 will bleed out when they remove their Alway's after having them inserted for eight months non-stop. Evilyavol will tumble from the roof of her shack in Locarn, France, after having spent two weeks up there to keep 2 gaping holes in the roof covered up. Thistles1234 volunteered for the New York legal system to try out a perfect cocktail of drugs to be applied during executions in New York. Like a few others in Anglochat, Thistles had no purpose in life but gained stature and recognition in death.
KMHii will suffer a fatal heart attack after being informed that she had been accepted for a secretarial position with the Democratic Party National Committee, the first shot at a job since November 2008. Palaminogirl will die of a botched surgery to harden her spine in an attempt to allow her to stand up for an opinion of her own.
Finally, Lister69US will be shot dead by an irate father of a pre-teen girl that he tried to lure into meeting in New Haven, CT. The first shot blew off his penis, followed by two shots to the knees and finally one bullet between the eyes. KKendrinUK1, also banned by AOL in the meantime, will die on a North Sea beach when a freak tsunami hits Britain just as she was posing for a last portrait for Vinnie (Vinnie will miraculously survive, using the body of KKendrin as a floating device).
I think that pretty much covers all the vibes I send out during the festive season. I might add a few more things before leaving on Sunday, especially on my last - and final - trip up north. I took a few pics there, as a reminder to never renege on the promise to never again venture north of the Oxford-Cambridge rubicon; it's simply not worth it.
Current Music: THE CRANBERRIES - Animal Instinct
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