"J'accuse...!"

Everything runs smoothly here, after my arrival on Monday. Taking off from London with the customary 2 hour delay due to English incompetence and shortcomings, we managed to arrive with just 50 minutes delay in CT. After two days in the Mother City, the 3-car motorcade filled with next of kin moved to our family retreat at Franschhoek near Stellenbosch, some sixty miles inland and in the heart of spectacular wine land.


Mother's organisational skills excelled and Xmas was a splendid feast rivalling Le Grande Bouffe. Not a moment of boredom, no frictions, some debates more spirited than others but never disharmonious - I hardly recognised my kinship. And a slightly sozzled mum is still a delight to be with...

Some appalling stuff is going on in this arguably most beautiful country in the world. The man-made mayhem, however, has reached proportions unseen elsewhere and affects everyone. The sheer numbers and heinous methods used in the the slaughtering that is going on are mind-boggling. The Christmas period from December 24-26 has seen 73 reported murder victims, and who knows how many will still be discovered in the coming days. Typical example for the random violence is the 7 young people killed at a party of 11 near Durban on Christmas Day, when three black thugs intruded a private home and shot up the place.

And then there is the bloodbath on South Africa's roads this month.  Just days after the government boasted about increased road safety in November, this month's statistics are horrendous: as of noon yesterday 655 deaths have been reported, an increase of 68% from the year before. There have been 27 road accidents with more than 8 fatalities involved. A defeatist and rather helpless government appeals on drivers not to embark on long journeys without functioning brakes in their vehicles...

It was also an e-mail from a former employer of mine that put a lid of otherwise undiluted fun, in which this banking institution inquired about a former colleague of mine at our Geneva head office. Whilst I sympathise and feel complete solidarity with the bank's position I also feel that events two years ago do not compel me to co-operate, especially as a hostile government - that of France - is deeply involved in the scandal.

The e-mail, and my reaction, caused lively debate here, and I found myself pretty isolated within the group of family and friends. But then - they are mostly with medical background - medical doctors - and not experts in banking and law.

What's it all about?

"Mother City"

Xmas is just a welcome occasion to fly away to warmer climate. It's a fact that every 2-3 months I need to get out of England to capture a glimpse of the sun - however short -, and to find culture and class, to revel with good cuisine, watch people dressed stylishly and who take care of themselves and where I don't have to listen to vile chavs, ghetto shits and Eastenders in search for the nearest watering hole to get blasted in gallions of Stella.

I'm all packed, BA's strike's been outlawed by a sensible court, Heathrow's runways are all cleared - ready for take-off for the 12 hour journey this evening. Left behind is, way up north, someone special, who'd be reason enough to make life in England sufficiently alluring to forget all other travails. Some day, maybe...

Next update will be in a few days from Stellenbosch where we make our home base, with festivities and feasting all organised within capable hands at location. For New Year's dinner I prepared six hours of New Year's concerts' music, all waltzes, marches and polkas, which should please mother and others. But I also included Lily Allen's "Fuck You" in the list, and on random selection ya never know when it will play. Giggling already to watch the folks' reaction...  LOL 

Regular news gathering and disseminating service will resume after my return on January 10th, 2010. "Twenty-ten" is so much easier over my lips than the past 9 years have been. LOL

To the network of friends and correspondents, a Merry Christmas, and lots of fun and good health in the New Year. To the One: stay warm and safe, get your heart in sync with the brain to embrace what beautiful times lie ahead, look forward to the good things and, most of all, stay as you are.

Current Music: SONS & DAUGHTERS - The Nest

Vibes For Tribes

I will have to sign off early this year as I will be in a warmer climate between December 20 and January 10. So, to the 5 online friends I managed to make in the past 11 years of AOL crusades, a Merry Christmas and a very Happy and Prosperous New Year.

I hope that in the spirit of my sheer happiness good vibes go out to the - literally - handful of dear friends, and to the staff of CEB on both sides of the Atlantic. Special thanks to the Northeast correspondent and Deputy Editor.

And then there are these few despicable individuals in Anglochat to whom I would like to pay a special tribute. One Christmas a year cannot gloss over the viciousness and vile nature all year long of these scumbags, and there is no reason to allow the universally cherished Christmas be soiled with signs of feigned forgiveness now. Quite the contrary, I make a special effort to name & shame these fucks and cunts, and describe the fate I wish for them.

There is the terminated AOL screen name HeressChristie, whose demise should be to break through the ice of Lake Michigan and screaming for help in vain, while her son sits at the shore snorting and holding his head, lamenting over a splitting headache. The screen name CarrCarter should be accosted by a gang of Alabama hobos, thrown to the ground and injected with a lethal dose of Mississippi water. The screen name Sugapeefannypunch ought to be suffocated with ruffled goose feathers. LameDucks ought to be hit by a pick-up truck before flung back onto the asphalt and be run over by a moped driven by Kpiper78. LameDucks' only notable act of valor in life ironically takes place in the hour of his doom: making Kpiper lose control over his moped, crashing and cracking his head open on impact. Felled by a duck, such a heroic finale to a fuck who had claimed membership of a Hell's Angels murder clique chapter while 'alive'. Lovemyroo will be hit over the head with a bible which had a brick embedded between the hard covers. Take that, bitch, when you face your lord, god bless...

Talking of which ("Bless and bitch"), Loveinamist30 will be pushed into a wine cellar where the late harvest is fermenting. The gas of the fermenting wine will quickly overcome the trash lady, and be pronounced dead 15 minutes later. Tampon fonts Brandi620 and Broodway1972 will bleed out when they remove their Alway's after having them inserted for eight months non-stop. Evilyavol will tumble from the roof of her shack in Locarn, France, after having spent two weeks up there to keep 2 gaping holes in the roof covered up. Thistles1234 volunteered for the New York legal system to try out a perfect cocktail of drugs to be applied during executions in New York. Like a few others in Anglochat, Thistles had no purpose in life but gained stature and recognition in death. 

KMHii will suffer a fatal heart attack after being informed that she had been accepted for a secretarial position with the Democratic Party National Committee, the first shot at a job since November 2008. Palaminogirl will die of a botched surgery to harden her spine in an attempt to allow her to stand up for an opinion of her own.

Finally, Lister69US will be shot dead by an irate father of a pre-teen girl that he tried to lure into meeting in New Haven, CT. The first shot blew off his penis, followed by two shots to the knees and finally one bullet between the eyes. KKendrinUK1, also banned by AOL in the meantime, will die on a North Sea beach when a freak tsunami hits Britain just as she was posing for a last portrait for Vinnie (Vinnie will miraculously survive, using the body of KKendrin as a floating device).

I think that pretty much covers all the vibes I send out during the festive season. I might add a few more things before leaving on Sunday, especially on my last - and final - trip up north. I took a few pics there, as a reminder to never renege on the promise to never again venture north of the Oxford-Cambridge rubicon; it's simply not worth it.

Current Music: THE CRANBERRIES - Animal Instinct

On the trip north

When you have a 95-minute delay on a fifty minute flight you know that the destination is Newcastle. And so I arrived at 3:35PM instead 2:00PM. From that point onwards all went well: pick-up was easy, drive into town enchanting (nothing to see in the dense fog) and arrival in toon as appallingly gross as one would expect from a town famous for its party excesses. Dinner was splendid, with a distinct Asian touch, and the night short...

Now it's breakfast time, and Full Monty time all over again...

Cheetah Woods

As three lawyers working for Mr Woods (at a fee of $1,600 per hour each) have reached an injunction against British media, preventing the publication of gory details of Mr Woods's cheating nature, it has become tantamount for the pursuit of truth that outlets like CEB fill the gaps. We gladly oblige...

Unprotected sex partners Cheetah Woods and escort ho Rachel

The prowling cheetah with peculiar sex preferences has not been seen in public since the day after Thanksgiving, when he was found bleeding and semi-conscious in a neighbour's lawn, next to his damaged SUV. The Woods family celebrated the quintessential US holiday in style, culminating in Mr Woods receiving at least 2 blows to his face with golf clubs and stumbling out of the house trying an escape with his car. We know where that ended: capable to drive a golf ball 400+ metres he failed to do so with his armored tank.

Festival Of Light

Thorny Issues

Anglochat member Thistles1234 has been recognised as a psychotic for years by fellow chatroom members. By own admission Thistles1234 is a patient of several psychiatrists and is compelled to check regularly with mental health clinics along the Eastern Seaboard.

CEB (Chateau EURO Blog) does not condone or encourage eavesdropping, unless it is to prevent an act of terrorism or cases of bloodletting and self-harm. It was for this reason that one of our reliable East Coast correspondents witnessed the following automated response to a frantic phone call that Thistles placed with a medical hotline in New Jersey on December 6th. The correspondent also discovered that several other Anglochat members have used the emergency service as well, tracing some calls to Philadelphia, New York City and Long Island, NY and the states of Illinois, Alabama, Florida, Indiana and Ohio.

10 Year Chart

 The Top Thirty Hits of the Decade

I actually agree with my favourite radio station's tally!

30 Kings Of Leon - 'Use Somebody'

An instant classic from the Followills' "Only By The Night" album, released last year. Caleb claims he wrote the song in Glasgow after falling out with his siblings (again).

29 Coldplay - 'Viva La Vida'
The title track of Coldplay's 2008 album "Viva La Vida" was produced by the legendary Brian Eno and made number 1 in both the US and UK - a first for the band.

28 Arctic Monkeys - 'Mardy Bum'
Mardy means "whiney" or "whingey" in the Northern vernacular. This album track is taken from the Sheffield band's debut album "Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not", from 2006.

27 Muse - 'Time Is Running Out'
From 2003's "Absolution" album, this is the track that broke the band in the US, and broke the UK Top 10.

26 Doves - 'There Goes The Fear'
Wilmslow's Doves recorded this track for their 2002 album "The Last Broadcast". It made number 3 in the charts after the single was released and deleted in the same day.

25 Kasabian - 'Fire'
The lead single from this year's "West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum" album, released in June. It's the band's highest charting entry, at Number 3.

24 Arctic Monkeys - 'Fluorescent Adolescent'
The second single from the Monkeys' second album "Favourite Worst Nightmare", released in summer 2007. It made number 5 in the UK charts. It's also the most misspelt song in the voting for this chart.

23 Stereophonics - 'Dakota'
The 'Phonics' biggest hit, making number 1 in the UK charts. The track is taken from their fifth album "Language. Violence. Sex. Other?" It also gave the band some much-needed airplay in the US.

22 The Killers - 'All These Things That I've Done'
Epic track from The Killers' 2004 debut "Hot Fuss", the third track to be released as a single. Made No. 18 in the UK charts.

21 Foo Fighters - The Pretender
The first single from the Foos' album "Echos Silence Patience And Grace". Dave Grohl told Xfm that the song was about "people not getting what they were promised".
The Top Twenty of the Decade:

Osborne reacts to Darling

I like the video because it captures the busy atmosphere at the offices and all the familiar faces I see on a weekly basis. And of course, our brightest man, George himself.

Oh-oh Darling!

Darling, our waddling goofball Chancellor of the Exchequer, did today in the Commons what he can do best: lying, blaming the Conservatives, obstructing responsible governance and defending his criminally incompetent record. The man is so dumb it beggars belief.

Bringing down the banking world, the economy at large and presiding over the deepest government induced recession this country has ever experienced, one would expect Labour to tread gingerly in the run-up to the May 2010 elections. Instead, the top buffoons in the country, Brown, Darling and Mandelson restated their claim to lead Britain out of recession, and do so in a better state of the economy than any other G-20 nation, "including Spain." The bombastic claims are false: Spain is not a G-20 country, and the economy is deeply entranched in recession - as the ONLY G-20 member!

The numbers are excruciating: £178bn of new debt (an all-time high, +28% from Darling's 2008 forecast), a budget shortfall of £875bn (an all-time high, +32% from 2008 forecast) and a sovereign debt of £1.46 Trillion (an all-time high, +18%) lead to a downgrade by rating agencies in 2010, an ever accelerating spiral of more debts, additional impediments for economic growth and a disastrous labour market. The message to global investors is clear: abandon Britain. The lying part: contrary to all experts, Darling predicted in 2008 that the UK economy would shrink in 2009 between 3.3 and 3.6 per cent. In fact the contraction amounted to 4.75%. For 2010 the dummy at the Treasury forecast growth of 2 - 2.5%, which he reduced today to 1.5% and expects 2011 growth at 3.5% (experts like the IMF, OECD and High Street banks predict 1.1% for 2010 and 2.2% the following year). Based on such willfully false and irrationally optimistic figures comes a budget forecast that is equally stunning and appalling.

AOL Rotor Rooter

AOL has finally relented to repeated complaints about screen names
HeressChristie, KKendrinUK1, listeri69US and Vinnieplant
and terminated these members from AOL. As members of the Crew they have displayed moronic idiocies and total lack of any social skills. Other Crew members, easily recognised with their blood clot font, have been hit with last warnings ("COS") before they too could be suspended by AOL: Brandi620, loveinamist30, CarrCarter, Broadwaybaby1972 and Lovemyroo.

Their despicable and repulsive conduct in Anglochat made the complaints necessary and successful. Other candidates for future action are Kevinbernhard (gross paedophile acitvities), Kpiper78 (criminal activities), LameDucks (stalking, other illegal activities) and RedDogxv1 (LameFuck's alternate persona).

In order to forestall attempts to clone my AOL screen name I have decided to replace Chateau EURO with Chateau EUR0, which is also in line with other outlets such as MSN.

Report compiled by JT and ECS, England

Anglochat Videothek

When Anglochat member CarrCarter faced a judge in the latest of a series of trials a week ago, a video was shown by defence attorney B.G. to the court. In the video No-cash Carrie pleaded her case and included valuable advice to would-be drug pushers and alcohol abusers. The video was bleak and dramatic enough to convince the judge not to impose a mandatory incarceration on the accused, but rather a suspended sentence with the condition of further therapy and drug rehab.

The video presented in court:

Good weekend

It was a good weekend: mild weather, exciting sports events, enchanting chat with the One, post-Thanksgiving reminiscing family ties from CT (that's the Mother City, literally), CA to WA (that's the States), bargain deals to re-stock the bar (e.g., a bottle of Chartreuse for £13.89, Drambuie for £12.89 [the only decent thing originating in Scotland], Chivas Regal for £15.89, Remy Martin for 16.89 and Glenfiddich for 14.89!) and nice Saturday evening with friends ending up buying hotels left and right, even if it was just on a popular board game...

Among the sports high-lights that made my weekend complete:

My home team Chelsea was beaten 2-1, and nobody seems to be fazed;

My team to rout for in the Championship won 2-0, leading the table and is 8 points clear of the third placed team, well on course to return to Premier status in 2010;

My man (where the money was) not only beat his opponent; Amir Khan demolished the New Yorker in 1:16 minutes; that was within the attention span of even the daftest Anglochat members, KMHii, Valfreya and Palaminogirl;

My team (10-2) in College Football has been chosen to fight LSU (9-3) on Jan 1st in the Capital One Bowl, Orlando, FL; GO Nittany Lions!

Finally, my team in the NFL lost again, against my daughter's home team - so all is well on that front too...

I also had my skates sharpened for the new season, as my favourite ice rink has opened again. The setting of the place couldn't be more enticing. And they serve the bestest Hot Chocolate you can imagine. Bring on the winter, I say.

CEB Hires Celebrity

Famous photographer joins Chateau Euro Blogsite
London/Vienna (afp, reuters) - CEB has succeeded in hiring famous Orangutan Nonja as a permanent correspondent and press photographer for the gazette's coverage of central Europe.

The 33-year-old furry photographer is winning already fans on social networking website Facebook for pictures of her daily life as an orangutan in a Vienna zoo.

Nonja's photos, taken with a camera that dispenses raisins as she snaps, have won over 900 fans on Facebook since the zoo launched an online photo album on Tuesday (Dec 1).


Although the slightly blurry images of Nonja's climbing rope, food and companion's shaggy red-brown fur have won lots of admiring comments from fans, the photographer herself is not so interested.

"Of course the ape doesn't care about the pictures, they are just an accidental side product," zoo spokesperson Gerhard Kasbauer told Reuters. "They just know that when they press the button, a raisin pops out."

The Vienna Zoo set up the project to help keep Nonja and her three hairy ape friends entertained in their enclosure. Check out the online album here:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Nonja/190010092116

Philandering Cheetah On the Prowl

Pouncing 'Tiger' Woods Clubbed
Why a famous golfplayer deserves all ridicule

As confessions go, this was not so much a hole in one as a drive buried deep in the sands of the bunker. Eldrick Tont Woods's statement, issued yesterday afternoon, was an extraordinary five-paragraph mea culpa that raised more questions than the Iraq Inquiry.

"Hey, it's Tiger," the man says in the recording. "I need you to do me a huge favour. Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you." No wonder the clubs started swinging at the Woods compound.

"I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behaviour my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behaviour and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone."

There was no indication what exactly "those transgressions" were. No explanation was offered of the "faults", no hints what "behaviour" means or of the nature of those "personal failings". One thing we can be sure of:  Cheetah Woods was not going to such lengths to apologise about his driving.

SA Reminder

The most beautiful anthem
from the most beautiful country in the world:

Swift Justice / II

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New column: SWIFT JUSTICE

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I decided to create this column to vent my outrage and frustration over court cases that could be dealt with much swifter than the mills of juresprudence in various countries - mainly the US and the UK - grind out. In my column I weigh the evidence, the gravity of the case, the circumstances of perpetrators and victims and how to best effectuate the law. In the end there will always be a verdict and a sentence. This Court never adjourns before a verdict has been reached. Arguments for possible appeals can be lodged under "comment to this."

I am encouraged to meter out swift justice by the conviction that I am smarter than 96.8% of jurors, wiser than 65% of judges, remote and emotionally detached from the cases, free of influence from the media and their effort to prejudge and pre-convict, and immune to government intervention.

So, without much further ado, let's have today's case.

Court is in session. All rise, the Rt Hon Judge Pilatus Euro presiding.


People versus
Amanda Knox, 22   and
Raffaele Sollecito, 25

Miss Amanda Knox, an American citizen from Seattle, and Mr Sollecito from Italy, are on trial in the Italian city of Perugia on charges of murdering fellow student Meredith Kercher from South London, England in November 2007. A third accused, Rudy Guedo, 22 from Ivory Coast, has been sentenced to 30 years in prison in a fast-track trial earlier this year.