Horseing Around

The clock has started to tick for yet another equine member of the Royals. Ever since Charly, the Prince of Whales, has confided to an American tabloid that his two-legged consort would be called Queen - once his mother and real queen has been carried out of Buckingham Palace - some sinister albeit familiar conspirators have swung into action to prevent the unthinkable.

Camilla Park-er-Bowels and HRH Princess Anne at a recent photo-op

It will be again up to Prince Philip and his phoney pharaoh chum Muhamad Al-Fayed, the Egyptian carpet trader, to concoct a plan to preserve the purity of the inbreds. Philip called his son yesterday to 'congratulate' him for his "dutiful aspirations" but also added that, if they were in the same room now, he would lash Charly's bare bottom with a birchtree branch until "the camel's back breaks". The conversation was leaked to us by someone within MI5.

Charly remained unfazed by his father's strong-armed threat and retorted, "I have been a tampon inside Camilla already, blood don't [sic] impress me much dad."

In the meantime, the plot thickens. Al-Fayed offered the service of a French driver ("Henri has rosy cheeks, is jolly and always ready for a tipple, or two, or 3, or 14") and also a 'very safe, armor-plated Mercedes 600'. Philip asked to put the couple up at some stables around Paris, and Fayed obliged by reserving a suite at the Hotel Ritz for the pair.

This morning a huge white "X" mysteriously appeared on the second concrete pillar of the underpass at the Pont de l'Alma along the banks of River Seine.

It seems all the prep work has been done.





Some readers may find this article disturbing and offensive. However, great effort has been put into this posting to make it suitable for readers of all ages and IQs. None of the animals involved have suffered in the wake of writing this article, and no products of beastly origins shall be entered into the food chain or offered for sale.