AOL Splinters

Within 10 minutes of the announcement that Britain's heir to the throne would get married 'some time next year,' a huffing and panting oversized regular of Anglochat blitzed the unsuspecting members with the news that "I'm gonna be at the Royal wedding!"

After the "ooh's and aahh's" of the ambushed crowd had subsided, and the potential party-crashing nutter had caught her breath, someone dared to point out that no wedding date had been announced yet. Feeling caught out again, the Colossus of Rogues - visibly shaken and embarrassed - quickly hissed, "Am goin' regardless, me and me 'Manda, after our cruise out of Miami," and pressed the Anglochat's panic button to drop out with great haste through the trap door which member LaChateauEURO@aol.com had previously installed for such precious moments in AOL's trademark arena for the insane.

Leaves the question of who is "'manda?" Our New York correspondent unearthed some facts about 10-year old Amanda, often referred to as "Tasmanian Devil" in Anglochat. For a long time it was suspected to be the spawn of Satan, or that it may have been aborted from a bulging piñata on Cinco de Mayo in the year 1999. Newly recovered documents, however, shed new light on the origins of 'Amanda' now.



It was in that year when the 51-year old Brandi620 washed ashore a picturesque island in the Pacific, her face covered with a long wet mane of golden hair, her rags torn and barely breathing, shipwrecked on the High Seas (which also conveniently ended the life of husband #3). With jelly fish clinging to her exposed buttocks and in and out of consciousness she could hear the cries, "Ce maimed! Ce Maimed!" that a diminutive creature wailed from a shiny bright bell tower in the distance. Brenda, the ungodly Royle-ist from the ghettos of East London, has arrived in fitting style at her very own Fantasy Island.

When she woke up she stared into the watery eyes of a uni-brow gnome. "Vake up, vake up, beautiful voman frrom farravay," the ugly dwarf twittered while jumping up and down like Rumpelstiltskin. Brandi620, god bless, took an immediate liking into the exotic fur ball.

After a few days of pampering, the sickly white Royle-ist has regained much of her original bloated state and felt it was time to get 'closer' to the dwarf who introduced himself as "Tattoo". Their intimacy was somewhat curtailed by the fact that Brandi620 wore a chastity belt, and the key to unlock her womanhood went down the deep ocean waters together with her disposed ex.

When the time for Brandi620 came to snap out of her dream and to return to the docklands of London, she went one more time down on Tattoo, expertly sucking out the essences of life from the little fella and saving the gooey ooze, letting it drip into a vial "for later use." Indeed, she kept the sample in a freezer box for her return home and found a willing locksmith that would open her Grand Canyon sized female vault. After that she inserted the precious load and looked forward to a pregnancy that she would later credit her new beau for, a dago from Long Island.

Eleven(!) months later Brandi620 gave birth to a baby girl, also sporting a unibrow. Brenda took the fateful decision and called Tattoo to thank him for his 'sperm contribution'. However, Tattoo demanded that Brenda would need to return to the island and live with him. Otherwise he would come to London and tell her new husband, a jealous Italo freak with mafia connections, about who the father of the child really was.

Tattoo softened his anger and told her that, if she guessed the name of the baby correctly, as he has it written on the sandy beach in huge letters, he would disappear forever. Brandi620 thought long and hard, and suddenly remembered what her good friend, KKendrinUK1@aol.com exclaimed upon seeing the Tasmanian Devil in the crib: "Oh, a man, DUH!" And so Brandi repeated that to an infuriated Tattoo, who screamed "Amanda! Amanda! The devil must have told you!"

In his rage, Tattoo grabbed a gun and shot himself. Brandi620's attempts to fleece the estate of the dead man remained - in this case - futile.



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