Puppet On a String

Debilitated Mandela to Attend WC Opening?
Will he or won't he? This question captivates South Africans similarily to the frenzy of the 1980s when the world asked, "Who shot JR?"

The people on the dusty roads of South Africa wonder whether the incapacitated former ANC leader will be raised to the occasion of the opening ceremony of WC on Friday. While there is a toilet war going on in South Africa - mainly in the slums of the country's major townships - "WC" stands for this year's World Cup.

Enthusiasm for the tournament, or rather for the fact that the globally puerile ball-kicking takes place in SA, will quickly dissipate once Mexico will maul Buffoona, Buffoona by a score of 6-0 Friday afternoon.

Nelson Mandela is physically incapacitated and unaware of his surroundings these days. The SA government has ordered 22 metres of virtually invisible nylone ropes, to be attached to Nelson's limbs in hopes to make the ex-con appear lively and animated, dancing to the tunes played throughout the stadium. The idea to make Nelson play the vuvuzela had to be shelved: the old man's lungs are too weak to blow on hot food, let alone to muster enough breath to play the 'instrument'. But the prospect of Nelson dancing the Ali Shuffle - thanks to the transparent and invisible ropes - mesmerizes the nation already.